It’s been said that I hold back. It’s been said that I don’t speak my whole truth. I will not deny these inferences. The fact that it seems to strike a chord within me, makes me want to explore why.
That, which I suppress, is part of my self-exploration and introspection each day. I write in order to express the thoughts and feelings circulating around in my head. In order to gain clarity and understanding I give life to words in an attempt to formulate meaning.
My perception transmits my interpretation and it all eventually lands somewhere. As I string the fragments together, I begin to see and hear what was momentarily in disarray, more clearly.
I sit down. I put my fingers on the keyboard and I Exhale. The process of expressing and then witnessing what materializes, as I divulge my stream of consciousness, empowers and strengthens me.
Sometimes, the messages are clear. Sometimes, they may be more obscure in nature. Sometimes, I write in order to hear myself and sometimes, I write in order to be heard by you. It’s the combination of both which leads me to the blank page so often. I speak from my heart and my heart speaks my truth. How it translates on paper or how it is interpreted from there, is beyond my control.
I do agree that I hold back and I do agree that I omit certain parts of myself and of my life. I’m not a celebrity writing a ‘tell all’ autobiography. I’m also not a fiction writer. I walk the fine line of political correctness and the uncharted pieces of my Self I choose to share. I can only be true to where I am in a particular moment. If I can walk through something, learn from it and grow, I’ve succeeded in some way.
I will not write things for shock value to grab your attention. Nor will I pretend to be someone I’m not or profess BS. That which transpires through my process may be filtered but as I sort through it all, filtered and unfiltered somehow end up as a composition of some sort. Somewhere.
Art is a reflection of our reality. Sometimes we reveal the whole truth and sometimes we disclose only those things we want you to see. It may feel safer back here, behind the screen, but is it? I suppose it would be safe if I said nothing or only showed you my happy face but I’d much rather Be Real. Speak from my heart and Let You in.
My story may be limited to what I’m comfortable sharing in that moment but I will articulate from the place I trust. Each day, I’m more in touch with my Voice. My Self. My Authenticity. Each day, as I express that awareness and understanding, I connect. It is through connection where I am ignited and inspired to dig deeper and reach further.
That which I suppress or withhold, is mine. When or if it is meant to be communicated, it will find it’s way. I will continue showing up, having awareness, looking inward, connecting and allowing this precious Life to breathe through me.